Introduction - I’d like to introduce you to the members of my Band

This trip has been in the planning phase for close to five years, well, talking about it for 5 years and planning it for considerably less. Actually now that I think of it, I don’t think the we have done much planning at all other than “clockwise from the Great Ocean Road”. When Al starts a sentence with “I have done everything, all you need to do is….”, prepare yourself for receipt of a Gargantuan workload, with very little handover documentation I might add. A Gargantuan workload is one so large, time passes slower close to the event horizon. This really drags out boring administrative tasks such as financial management and planning, dealing with automotive suppliers and anything involving input from members of the public service.

Both myself and Al work for large American service providers, who for some reason, seem particularly understanding in satisfying our desire not to undertake any real work for them for an extended period of five to six months. In their infinite wisdom, they have also decided to help fund the trip by continuing to pay us for a considerable fraction of that time. Only two weeks into the trip and I am already concerned about my inevitable reintegration back into the slave society.

On Lead Guitar:

Alan Deering. Also known as “Al” and “The Mediator”. Further, “Deero”, an Irish Australianism that I refuse to adopt for at least 5 different reasons.

Age: 6 Months older than me.

Highest Academic Qualification: Master of Bullshit M.Bu.(hons.)

College Buddy, fellow Adventurer, my former beer drinking apprentice (yes, once I was the Master) and multiple time ex co-worker. Learned most of his adventure skills from the school of hard knocks and has a story to tell on every discipline, well, let’s leave the story telling to me! This is a man you want with you when the shit hits the fan. Capable of talking himself and his associates out of (or into) any situation. Often mistaken for my non-existent brother in Australia. 

Favourite drink: Gin and Tonic with a large slice of fresh Lime grown in a nitrogen rich environment.

Favorite band: The Bangles

Career aspirations: Professional sports fan. 

On Vocals:

Caoimhe Deering. 

Note 1 for Aussies: Phonetically Quee-va.

Age:13, going on 23.

The result of a highly complex genetic experiment to develop a super intelligent life form. Unfortunately, Al ended up being the father so the results never reached their full potential. Loves nothing more than to solve vector calculus problems, while simultaneously doing the Cryptic crossword. The type of well mannered young girl who will make interesting and topical evening conversation while quietly scoffing your after dinner mints. 

Likes: Swimming, Singing, Mobile phones, Al’s Credit card and anything costing over $299.99.

Dislikes: Broadband and Credit card limits and People with an Intelligence Quotient of under 120.

On Base Guitar

Niamh Deering

Note 2 for Aussies: Phonetically Knee-eve.

Age: 10, but will be 11 in a few months

The rebel without a cause. Athletic, highly mobile and co-ordinated with the stamina to be able to sit through 4 concurrent episodes of Home and Away, including the much loved commercial breaks. Fathers, lock up your offspring, as this girl will make your little bad ass boy look like a princess. The girl most lightly to test the patience of a saint and simultaneously deliver a suitably sized cardiac arrest. 

Likes: Climbing, Swimming, Circus School, Loud heavy metal music, any noise greater than 90dBA, Action man, Power tools and the Easter bunny

Dislikes: School, Homework, Instruction manuals, anyone ahead of her in a queue and birthday cards that don’t have any cash in them.

On Drums

Zak Houston aka Zaky (Bizarre Australian phenomenon, where nicknames can be longer than the original noun they are intended to operate on).

Note 3 for Aussies: Phonetically Zak.

Age 8 but likes competing under 10’s

Fast talking, street wise Angel with dirty face. Often an accomplice of the former in conducting misdemeanors punishable by lengthily and frequently extended bans of electronic gaming platforms. Potential future Paragliding bum, helping to alleviate the federal government of any surplus funding they may have available.

Likes: Climbing, Swimming, Skate boarding and Gaming. Also likes Toilet talk, semi-automatic weapons, anything you can build with the sole purpose of destroying, anything anyone else can build with the sole purpose of destroying, analysing poo from any animal and Bear Grills

Dislikes: Rules, bed time, babies, coming 2^nd